Don't Stop the Madness

There's a beggar down inside of me

Standing on the corner of the street
And my shame is my only company
Can use some cash, but can't admit my need
For what you've got and what I could receive
I need you love to come and break the silence

Don't stop the madness
Don't stop the chaos
Don't stop the pain surrounding me
Don't be afraid, love, to break my heart
Just bring me down to my knees, yeah

Don't stop with your love. This song echoes what I have held in my heart lately. I have felt so out of touch with everything. I know that statement sounds overly dramatic, maybe everything is too general of a word to use, but I have felt out of place and at a loss of comfort in who I am. It is extremely frustrating, because I know it shouldn't be this way. In my last post I asked the question, "What defines me?" And everyday I feel like God keeps asking me the same question: how do I see myself, and is it the same way God sees me? More and more, I see how it isn't. Instead, I see how I have been looking for certain people to affirm who I am or tell me I am okay, rather than asking myself that question, and turning towards God for the answer. I have been begging for an answer that would comfort me and fulfill my need, but I have not been finding it because I am asking the wrong people. It's hard to come to terms with yourself, especially when you know you've messed up. I haven't felt comfortable talking to God about my insecurities, because I know I shouldn't be insecure. Instead, I feel ashamed for my insecurity and hide myself from God. But it's not suppose to be that way. But instead of God getting disappointed in me or giving up on me, He reassures me that He loves me just the same:

"...he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will..." Ephesians 1:4-5

Jesus' prayer for us:

"The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me." John 17:22-23

There are places throughout the bible that encourage me, but I love the story of when Jesus reinstates Peter after his resurrection, so I want to post an excerpt of it here:

¹⁵ When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” ¹⁶ He said to him a second time,“Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” ¹⁷ He said to him the third time,“Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time,“Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. ¹⁸ Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.”¹⁹ (This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.) And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.” John 21:15-19

This story gives me hope and it encourages me. I am going to get off track and mess up at times, but the beauty of it is that God never fails to reach out to me when I do. Peter denied Jesus three times, but Jesus did not love Peter any less, and he forgave Peter for his failing. In turn, Peter did great things for the glory of God, and gave his life for the Gospel. God knows my heart, He loves me, and He forgives me for my lack of trust in Him due to the insecurities I hold in my heart. What's so good is that He doesn't stop there- He not only forgives me, but He will continue to restore me and knock down my insecurities as I begin to trust in Him more. I hold tightly to this, and I admit to you guys that I am a long work in progress, but I believe He will help me get past this. He will help you get past whatever it is you're going through, too.

Hope the verses encouraged you guys! I hope you have a good night.