Darkness Defined

"Today, we lived." -- Lydia Freeman

As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Maybe it was my strong imagination, or the scary stories my dad used to tell, but I've always been afraid. When I closed my eyes, vulnerability set in, and I felt like anything could happen. I couldn't tell whether there were monsters under my bed, or some creeper hiding behind my dresser. And what possessed my dad to fill our room with antique furniture? That had it's own definition of creepiness. But despite our house having the makings of a horror film, my family seemed to have no trouble falling asleep at night. How did they manage to sleep through all the impending doom I was experiencing? Did they not see the shadows, or hear the eerie creek of the floorboards? And God forbid if the ice machine decided to have an avalanche again.

Dad's snoring filled every corner and crevice of our house, Megan tossed and turned a bit in the bed next to me, and I continued to contemplate whether or not I should make a run for the light switch. But the only thing I could manage was shutting my eyes tight. The nights seemed so dark then, but they were nothing compared to the darkness I experienced last night. The darkness enveloped my very self, and left me feeling more vulnerable than I ever had been as a child.

Darkness. It felt cold, and wet. Uncaring, and numb. Silent, and impalpable. 

And I felt afraid.

...

It's Good Friday, and I wanted to do something exciting. Google defines excitement as "being a feeling of great enthusiasm and eagerness," but I define excitement as a moment of spontaneity that keeps you on your toes, right at the edge of something brilliant. The kind of excitement that we experienced as kids; going on adventures through the woods, playing hide-and-go-seek in stranger's sheds, or uprooting tomato plants out of our neighbor's gardens. I wanted to do something. 

I decided that my Friday would not be "average."

"I want to do something exciting," Lydia said, "Something adventurous and active."

"Yeah, I'm kinda sick of watching movies," I mumbled, looking back at the T.V. that displayed yet another Disney movie. They're having a marathon.

"You want to go caving later?"

Um, heck yeah. I had never gone caving before. And don't you feel jealous when people post pictures on Facebook about those "epic" experiences? Like bungee jumping off of the monstrosity they call a "bridge," or skiing down the alps... And there you are, sitting behind a computer screen, feeling bored out of your mind. I wanted to experience the feeling of being covered from head to toe in mud, climbing up and under tight places. I didn't want to stare at a computer screen for the next two hours. So, I dressed up in my caving gear, reached for my flashlight, and-- 

Wait. 

Okay, so I lost my dad's flashlight (sorry dad, if you are reading this, I assure you it is probably under my bed or something). But, thankfully, Lydia burst through the door, brandishing her Phonathon prize-- a super bright spotlight.

She held her spotlight up like it was one of those beacons they held up at the Olympics and asked me,

"Are you ready?" 

We made our way across the road (running cause we felt like it), and I stood in front of a hole in the ground that was just big enough for us to fit through. Lydia turned on the spotlight as we made our way down the tunnel-like hole, and I felt a twinge of fear underneath my excitement. But I wasn't going to let that stop me, are you kidding me? I wanted to see the caverns.

...

It was so beautiful; the ceiling of the cave had little waves etched into the top, and the light from our spotlight reflected off of the water that drenched every crack and surface. It was messier than usual because of all the snow we had a couple of days ago, but our shoes had grip, and our hands did, too, so we felt ready. As we climbed deeper and deeper into the cave, Lydia noticed something had changed.

"Mal, does the light seem dimmer to you?" Lydia asked.

I felt my stomach drop.

"Yeah..." 

Lydia looked back at me, her eyes filled with an urgency that made my heart push pause,

"We need to get out of here. Now."

We spun around and hurried out of the little cavern as fast as we could in a cave, searching for the ledge we had climbed down from. The light continued to fade. I could tell that our light wasn't going to make it. But even though I should've been scared, Lydia kept telling me we would be okay, because God would help us.

We turned off the light, and sat down as Lydia began to pray. I felt my fear and panic lessen, as Lydia's prayer grew stronger and louder. Whatever came next was in God's hands. She prayed for God to restore our light, and we believed God would get us out of this place. After she finished praying, I asked:

"Can we sing?"

Lydia sang her heart out to a song I was unfamiliar with, but the message comforted me and gave me the strength I needed:

I will sing, sing, sing 

To my God, my King, 

I will love, love, love 

With this heart you gave, for you've been good to me

We sat there for a moment in silence, and let the words sink in. I felt myself calm down, as i heard Lydia make her way over to where I was.

"I'm about to turn the light on... are you ready?" Lydia asked.

"Yeah."

We turned the light on to get our bearings and see our next step. every 30 seconds of light was followed by three minutes of darkness. Every time we stopped, we prayed and worshipped God, asking for more time. When we fell, we sang to God about feeling broken. When we felt weak and afraid, we sang to God and asked Him to breathe life into us, reviving our dead bones. When we lost our way, we sang, "Be Thou my Vision" and asked God to direct our paths. We prayed:

God, I trust in you.

There was a point in our backtracking that led us to a drop off. There were other drop offs before, but this one was wider and I felt my feet slipping on the wet surface of the slanted rock we stood on. We had to climb over a rock that was taller than the both of us, and I felt my fear set in. 

I couldn't climb up.

Lydia handed me the spotlight as she made her way up the rock, assuring me that she could make it with her climbing abilities, but I felt scared for her. I started to pray out loud for Lydia's safety. 

Please, God, give her balance. Please keep her safe. 

She managed to balance herself, and when she made it to the top, it was my turn. But I felt my feet slipping on the slanted rock, and I didn't feel any footholds to help me push myself forward. I kept thinking to myself,

I can't make it, I’m going to fall.

I felt so afraid of falling, but Lydia told me I would be okay. I grabbed her hands, but my hands were wet and started slipping. I had to let go. My foot propped against the wall to keep me stable, as I paused for a few seconds to calm my fears. Everything around me was dark.

I had to stop and pray, because I didn't know what else to do. Lydia began praying for me, and after she finished, I gripped both of her arms as tight as I could. I trusted in God and Lydia completely, because I didn't have the strength to make it up the rock. She pulled me with all her strength, and I found a small foothold to push myself up, bear hugging her to death. We made it! We immediately thanked God and worshipped Him for helping us get past the drop off. We were ready for our next step.

We turned on the light for a few seconds to get a picture of where we would climb next, and continued to make our way up the cave. I felt some relief when the sound of cars grew louder, reassuring us that we were going in the right direction. And we still had light, but not much. Our light only had a couple minutes left before giving out, and putting us in total darkness. I continued to climb.

The sound of the cars grew closer, and when Lydia turned off the light to climb up our next rock, she shouted,

"I see light! Mallory, I can see it! We made it!"

Both of us scrambled up the rock towards the glint of light coming from the entrance. Lydia stopped before we made it out, and looked back at me, with the biggest smile on her face:

"We need to sing one last worship song before we get out of here," Lydia said, "We have to sing as loud as we can, because God brought us out of the darkness."

Both of us held hands and sang with everything we had, as loud as we could, laughing, jumping up and down, and smiling because God rescued us. He kept us safe.

When I climbed out of the cave, I felt so thankful and relieved, that I collapsed beside the entrance. I didn't care about the cars that passed by. They probably thought I was some half-crazed, college kid. Lydia stoop up beside me, and both of us hugged each other, jumping up and down, covered from head to toe in mud. Our light had completely gone out after we reached the light. I kept thinking to myself,

This was such a God-thing.

After our happy dance, Lydia and I ran like mad women across campus. We probably looked unrecognizable because of all the mud, but we were too happy to care.

A shower and a cup of tea later, I stood by the Starbuck's kiosk talking to Lydia.

"Mallory, I know we were terrified back there, but I think being lost in that cave was one of the best-worst things that has ever happened to me."

"Yeah," I looked down at my shoes, completely different from the mud-covered shoes I had on an hour ago, "I have never felt so close and dependent on God than I did when our light went out."

Lydia smiled and said, "Tonight, I feel like we really lived."

I laughed, "Yeah. We did."

... 

"This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all." --1 John 1:5

Darkness. It felt cold, and wet. Uncaring, and numb. Silent, and impalpable. The absence of light.

It covers our eyes, it covers our lives, and it takes us to places we never thought we’d go. It is more than a pitch-black blanket that covers us in the depths of a cave, devoid of any light. It stops us from seeing the beauty and light of God. It can stop us from our dreams and our potential, and deaden our souls.

Darkness obscures the truth.

It would’ve been easier for us to let our fears consume our hearts and stop us from moving forward, but we trusted in God to rescue us from the darkness.

Even though the darkness consumed everything around us, we knew we had to continue moving forward, because we clung to the hope that the darkness would not last forever, and we'd make it out okay.

We will face moments in our lives when we have to exchange the limited knowledge we possess, for the unknown knowledge of God, and walk by faith.

After an hour of praying and singing, crawling in cold, wet dirt, and gripping rock after rock, God brought us to the end of our crazy experience with Him. We felt a mixture of elated-joy and sadness, because though the experience scared us out of our minds, our time with God was frighteningly beautiful. He provided us with a way out, and gave us an experience I can’t say I’d change for anything. Even a hot cup of chai, and the security of a comfy couch, complete with reruns from old Disney movies. I can say I had an epic-experience. I can say I lived.

So what is the moral of our story?

Well, for starters, bring more than one flashlight and two people when going on any caving excursion.

And be careful what you ask for. Especially when you ask for something exciting, adventurous and active—all at the same time. You just might end up in the back of a cave, with a broken flashlight, clinging to a rock, singing Jesus music.

The End.

All the Pretty Things

All the Pretty Things

We are, we are, we're caught in the in between
Of who we already are and who we are yet to be
And we're looking for love but finding we're still in need
It's only what we have lost will we be allowed to keep

And we're waiting but our eyes are wandering
To all this earth holds dear

Look at all the pretty things
That steal my heart away
I can feel I'm fading
'Cause Lord I love so many things
That keep me from Your face
Come and save me

Tenth Avenue North

The lyrics in this song connect so well with the struggles we face everyday. It is a constant struggle to keep our mind's attention and heart's affection centered in Christ and not what we come across in our daily experiences with the world. Living in the world but not of the world is hard, and some worldly influences aren't easy to pick out. Sometimes we fail to realize just how much the world influences us in our relationships with each other and with God because of how subtle they are. That's why I am reminded over and over again to reevaluate my actions, my thoughts and see whether or not they line up with what God wants. I am working on making this a daily thing, and honestly it's not easy. It takes humility to look inwardly and ask God to pull out all of the bad things in our lives like our motives, actions, thoughts, etc. It forces us to come to terms with ourselves, but it allows us to move forward in the good God has planned for us. We get rid of all the things that weigh us down, and all of the lies the world places on us that leave us empty or insecure. So it will sting at first, but in the end there is healing and the awe-inspiring power of God's Holy Spirit working within our hearts, breaking down walls. Worth it? Chyeah!!!!

This is a Psalm close to my heart <3 Psalm 51 from my ESV bible. I hope these verses help you guys open up your heart to God and I pray He does a wonderful and awesome work in you and through you. I pray all of us can come together as a community of believers and see in ourselves what God sees, and have faith that He can do anything, no matter how inadequate we may feel. God is holy, He is loving, He wants to be a part of our lives, and He makes us adequate through Jesus. I pray to believe this in my heart and have the trust and faith it takes to become the woman God sees in me. I pray to see what God sees when He looks around at Bluefield College. I pray for His love and His wants to coincide with my own, and that awesome friendships happen!! Amen.

Psalm 51:

Have mercy on me, O God,

according to your steadfast love;

according to your abundant mercy

blot out my transgressions.

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,

and cleanse me from my sin!

For I know my transgressions,

and my sin is ever before me.

Against you, you only, have I sinned

and done what is evil in your sight,

so that you may be justified in your words

and blameless in your judgment.

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,

and in sin did my mother conceive me.

Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,

and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Let me hear joy and gladness;

let the bones that you have broken rejoice.

Hide your face from my sins,

and blot out all my iniquities.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

and renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from your presence,

and take not your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,

and uphold me with a willing spirit.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,

and sinners will return to you.

Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,

O God of my salvation,

and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.

O Lord, open my lips,

and my mouth will declare your praise.

For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;

you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;

a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Do good to Zion in your good pleasure;

build up the walls of Jerusalem;

then will you delight in right sacrifices,

in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;

then bulls will be offered on your altar.

(Psalm 51 ESV)

We raise our white flagsWe surrender all to youAll for youWe raise our white flagThe war is overLove has comeYour love has won
We lift the crossLift it high, lift it high
Chris Tomlin

Don't Stop the Madness

There's a beggar down inside of me

Standing on the corner of the street
And my shame is my only company
Can use some cash, but can't admit my need
For what you've got and what I could receive
I need you love to come and break the silence

Don't stop the madness
Don't stop the chaos
Don't stop the pain surrounding me
Don't be afraid, love, to break my heart
Just bring me down to my knees, yeah

Don't stop with your love. This song echoes what I have held in my heart lately. I have felt so out of touch with everything. I know that statement sounds overly dramatic, maybe everything is too general of a word to use, but I have felt out of place and at a loss of comfort in who I am. It is extremely frustrating, because I know it shouldn't be this way. In my last post I asked the question, "What defines me?" And everyday I feel like God keeps asking me the same question: how do I see myself, and is it the same way God sees me? More and more, I see how it isn't. Instead, I see how I have been looking for certain people to affirm who I am or tell me I am okay, rather than asking myself that question, and turning towards God for the answer. I have been begging for an answer that would comfort me and fulfill my need, but I have not been finding it because I am asking the wrong people. It's hard to come to terms with yourself, especially when you know you've messed up. I haven't felt comfortable talking to God about my insecurities, because I know I shouldn't be insecure. Instead, I feel ashamed for my insecurity and hide myself from God. But it's not suppose to be that way. But instead of God getting disappointed in me or giving up on me, He reassures me that He loves me just the same:

"...he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will..." Ephesians 1:4-5

Jesus' prayer for us:

"The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me." John 17:22-23

There are places throughout the bible that encourage me, but I love the story of when Jesus reinstates Peter after his resurrection, so I want to post an excerpt of it here:

¹⁵ When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” ¹⁶ He said to him a second time,“Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” ¹⁷ He said to him the third time,“Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time,“Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. ¹⁸ Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.”¹⁹ (This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.) And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.” John 21:15-19

This story gives me hope and it encourages me. I am going to get off track and mess up at times, but the beauty of it is that God never fails to reach out to me when I do. Peter denied Jesus three times, but Jesus did not love Peter any less, and he forgave Peter for his failing. In turn, Peter did great things for the glory of God, and gave his life for the Gospel. God knows my heart, He loves me, and He forgives me for my lack of trust in Him due to the insecurities I hold in my heart. What's so good is that He doesn't stop there- He not only forgives me, but He will continue to restore me and knock down my insecurities as I begin to trust in Him more. I hold tightly to this, and I admit to you guys that I am a long work in progress, but I believe He will help me get past this. He will help you get past whatever it is you're going through, too.

Hope the verses encouraged you guys! I hope you have a good night.

What defines me?

What defines me?

The correct answer would be Christ, right? But it's so easy for me to place my value in something else, and before I realize it, "it" decides to sneak attack me like a psycho billy ninja. Or it's as obvious as a brick wall to the face. Have you ever walked straight into something before? How unexpectedly painful is that? But after you get over the initial shock and embarrassment, you become more aware of the wall, and make it a point not to walk into it again (hopefully). And it always happens when we have our attention directed towards something else. This past month I ran into a few psycho billy ninjas and brick walls (hypothetically speaking) and it's been hard on me emotionally. I looked for my value in all the wrong places. I took my eyes off of what God had set out for me, and ended up stumbling. It's one of those obvious things we point out to each other, right? If you don't watch where you're going, you're going to fall.

So, what are some of the things that hold our attention? Better yet, what are some of the lies we believe define who we are?
It could be our parents, our friends, our appearance, our coach, our sport, our money, our job, our education, a boy or a girl we like or are dating, our clothes, our hobbies or talents, our religion, _____ fill in the blank. A lot of the time we try to find our value and self worth through other people, and we end up comparing ourselves to others. When this happens, we begin to feel inadequate and not good enough, because we aren't like ______. But the point is, we aren't suppose to be like them. I know that's an overused statement, but it's true. 

The whole comparing-ourselves-to-others thing can hurt us in our Christian walks (to an extent). I'm not saying it is a bad thing to aspire to be more spiritually mature, but we can't expect ourselves to be at the same place as someone else who has had a relationship with God for a longer period of time. This past summer, a pastor named Matt Orth said something to me that really helped change my perspective on spiritual growth. I get discouraged sometimes when I meet someone who is so tight with God and spiritually mature, because I have no idea how to get where they are and feel at peace with myself and God. Matt Orth told me that our spiritual growth is like a tree. Notice how the bad things like weeds, mold and fungus grow quickly, but the beautiful trees we see take time, and not all of them grow at the same rate or at the same time. We can't let ourselves get discouraged, and we can't compare ourselves to other people. 

But what do I do? I compare myself to someone else and let myself feel inadequate. And then I feel the need to impress them because I really want them to like me. Insecurity plays a big part in getting in the way of the great things God has planned for us. Trying to find security in someone other than God is one of my deepest pitfalls, and I feel like a lot of us fall into that same place at times. So... what do we do...?

We have to immerse ourselves in God's word, hang out with friends who will help us grow closer to Him, and constantly pray to Him about what it is we are struggling with. We need a paradigm shift- we need a complete change in our perspectives. 

I've decided to post the verses and phrases my loving and beautiful sister wrote down for me today to encourage me, I hope they encourage you, too!

Galations 1:10
Proverbs 4:23
Genesis 1:27

Who are you?
You are an heir in Christ (Romans 8:17)
A daughter or son of God (2 Corinthians 6:18)
You are Set apart (Ephesians 4:20-23)
And loved with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3)
Psalm 139:13

A New Sound of Worship

Here's a link to my youtube page, it's just for fun and I love writing songs to make people laugh, so let me know if it's your B-day!!!!! But I want to apologize to anyone for how I let myself get caught up in stupid pointless things like pride or just being inconsiderate, thank you friends and my loving, beautiful sister for keeping me humble. I love you. Here is a song I wrote to show my thankfulness and remorse for me not always being the girl I need to be for God and my friends:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0P-CNqTTeE&feature=youtu.be

The Cross Was Enough (Continuation from Manali)

I know it has been a week or so since I have talked about Manali, but I'm back! I am refreshed and strengthened in the Lord's presence, and I am ready to write about my favorite memory from India. I feel like it was right for me to wait and tell you guys about DNOW weekend, because God has spoken to me and broken me so much this past week. I wasn't ready to tell you guys about DNOW weekend, but now I can tell you with the fullness of God's Holy Spirit speaking within me. I hope you guys can feel my heart and see the love of God in our time in Manali. Prepare yourselves! I want you to forget about your surroundings and say in your heart "God, take control of my mind's attention and my heart's affection" as we put ourselves in the context of Manali, India and focus our attention on what God did through DNOW weekend.

You came down from Heaven's throne

This earth you formed was not your home

A love like this the world had never known

You took our sin, you bore our shame

You rose to life, you defeated the grave

A love like this the world has never known

On the altar of our praise let there be no higher name,

Jesus, Son of God

You laid down your perfect life, you are the sacrifice

Jesus, Son of God

Be lifted higher than all you've overcome

Your name be louder than any other song

There is no power that can come against your love

The cross was enough, The cross was enough...

The cross was enough, The cross was enough<3

This song resonated within my heart as Rory lead us in worship with over 50 or so youth inside our cozy little prayer room. Remember the prayer room? If not, just take a peek at my second post about India, the description is near the beginning of the post. Some of you may be wondering what DNOW weekend is, and I'm sorry for not telling you sooner! DNOW stands for Discipleship Now (I think) Weekend and it is a lot like Vacation Bible School, except we focus on high school students. Our message throughout the weekend centered around the meaning of God's love for us, and what it means to have that kind of love for others. To get all of us in the right kind of mindset, we began our time together in worship. It gave me chills hearing all of our voices together. It wasn't about making our voice heard or nice sounding for the people around us, it wasn't about ourselves at all, it was about lifting our voices up with everything it took to show God know how much we love Him and how awesome He is. I loved how time was no concept... we wanted to stay together as long as possible in that atmosphere. Have you ever felt like God was right there in the room with you? Some of the youth didn't understand yet what some of the words they were singing meant, but the beauty of it is I believe they will come to a place where God takes hold of their hearts completely. C and G will continue to love them and tell them about God, and we will continue to pray for them. With prayer and a willing heart to serve, anything is possible. Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound of mercy and Your grace, Father send Your angels down - TenthAveNorth

We broke the ice with our group by playing games so we could get well-aquainted with each other and our games cracked everyone up, haha. I was horrible at one of them, and kept getting stuck in the middle!! It was the game where you're in this huge circle and the person whose it asks someone, "Do you love your neighbor?" If they say yes, the people beside them switch places before the person it gets to one. If they say no, they have to say, "But I love people who are wearing ____." I wasn't fast enough, and I wore things that were easy to get chosen. Haha. It was so much fun, and everyone felt more relaxed afterwards. We also made bracelets! That was our craft for the day. Yes, we had manly twine-looking bracelets for the guys, but the girls got to make cute button bracelets and do whatever they wanted to with the thread we had. The thread had all sorts of neat colors, and I learned how to make some sweet bracelets. Notice I said learned. I was in charge of teaching them how, but I was new to the whole bracelet-making-skill. The happy-ending to this story is that a lot of the girls knew how to make insanely-good-looking bracelets! I also connected with my soon to be best-friend/twin and we made our first ever bracelet together. I wear it all the time now and she has the one I made for her:) I miss her so much. 

Our craft opened the opportunity for us to talk to the girls in our youth group and get to know them better. It was so good and they are nice people, especially when you consider the fact I neglected to teach them how to make bracelets. :) Rory was the first to present the message, and he talked to them about who Jesus is, God's promises, His love and the cost of discipleship. Next, I was given the opportunity to give my testimony. My heart sped up a bit, but God filled me with excitement! I told them of God's love and how He demonstrated that love to me throughout my life, and how much He wanted to be a part of their lives, too. Jesus wouldn't die for us if He didn't love us<3 and God wouldn't send His son to die if He didn't love us. What really broke me just this past week was the meaning of this love. After all this time, my mind didn't completely connect with my heart. The same thing C ma'am and G had been praying for their students, and the same thing I wanted their students to realize, hadn't been made known to me in the fullness of God's love for me. I didn't get it! It's so ironic when you think about it. There I was talking to the youth about God's love for them, when I hadn't grasped it yet! I'm going to go a little off subject for a moment and share with you what God revealed to me this past week. I know you want to hear more about Manali, but I think you will enjoy reading what I'm about to tell you. :)

This past week has opened my eyes and my heart in numerous ways. I went to crossroads camp as a chaperone for our youth group, and the theme for our week was called, "The Dwelling Place." I learned about what God meant when He said in His word He makes His dwelling place within us. The curtain is torn! We aren't separated from God anymore if we have the blood of Christ covering us. What blew me away came from the following passages:

Judas (not Iscariot) said to him, "Lord, how is it that you will manifest yourself in us, and not to the world?" Jesus answered him, "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him."

John 14:22

But it doesn't stop there, read this:

"I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you. All the Father has is mine; therefore I said that he will take what is mine and declare it to you."

John 16:12-15

And this is what shook me to the core... This is an excerpt of what Jesus prayed for us before his crucifixion:

"I do not ask for these only (I think he is referring to the original disciples), but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given them, that they may be one as we are one. I in them, and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me. Father, I desire that they also, whom you have given me, may be with me where I am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world. O righteous Father, even though the world does not know you, I know you, and these know that you have sent me. I made known to them your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them."

John 17:20-26

I broke to pieces. How did I miss this? God loves me just as much as His son Jesus? I'm not worthy of that kind of love! I'm in complete awe by this, and God's love poured into me that night and broke me to pieces. I didn't get it before, but I get it now. Jesus interceded for me, he died for me, and he lives in me now. He loves me. He cares about my life, and he wants to be a part of my life forever. Why? Just because. I didn't do anything to deserve this, but God says I'm worth it. God says I have value, not because of anything I do, but because He made me. Why would I ever want to be apart from His love? My insecurities, my worries, my problems, my wants- all of them look so small now. Now I live in the security of knowing Jesus Christ, and my life is given meaning and the power of the Holy Spirit.

He not only loves me, God gave me the power of His holy spirit! What?! Why? Because He wants to be alongside me forever! He wants me to be fulfilled and content in His presence and love, and He wants me to share with others this freeing truth. God is not far away from us, He wants to dwell in our hearts and show us how good it is to be in fellowship with Him- how it was meant to be this way from the very beginning, before Adam and Eve sinned. Even though they sinned against God, God from the very beginning had a plan for redemption and reconciliation with the people He has created and He has continued to love since the dawn of creation. Why would we still be here if He didn't love us and want to reconcile us to himself?

Please don't miss this! Don't miss what I'm saying to you, because this is so important. This life has been given to us for a reason, and it has meaning in the eyes of God. He wants you to know Him fully, and He wants to love you so badly. I didn't let Him love me, because I didn't understand what love was fully. I just had bits a pieces of what people have shown me over the years, but now I see! I almost missed out on the supernatural and earth-shattering love the God of the universe has for me. He loves you, too, and that is why I had to share this with you. It's so worth my time, my money, and my life. It's worth it, and I'm not going to live a life apart from His promises for me, and telling you of the promises He has in mind for you, too. Ask questions. That's how you learn and grasp things. I came to know more about God's love for me because I was willing to be open to God and ask Him questions that confused me in my heart. Instead of just accepting what a pastor or speaker said to me, I decided to look at it for myself and talk to Him about it, too. He answered me, out of the almost 7 billion people in the world, He still values me and wants to hear and answer my questions! It's breathtaking, right? My desire for God has overcome everything else now, after realizing all of these things I have just shared with you. God is so good, He is so good... He's enough. Read over the verses again, and open your heart to what God may be wanting to say to you. It will change your life. :)

Just think about it. When you begin to really believe God loves you just because He made you, and not because what you do for Him, it will set you free. You don't have to try to impress God or worry that He will make fun of you, or reject you. You don't have to worry about Him loving you less, because He will always love you the same. It's completely backwards for us, because when it comes to other people, we have to face all sorts of conflicting things and the possibility of disappointing someone, causing someone not to like you as much because of something you did, being made fun of or ridiculed by someone because you aren't "good enough" for them. Ironically, none of us our good, but instead of this causing the God of the universe to turn away, what does He do? The exact opposite. He says to us, "I understand you more than you do, I know all of your secrets and failures, I know you are imperfect and you will mess up at times. I know all of these things, and I love you just the same as I do my perfect Son. Stop trying to be good enough, I already did that for you by sending my Son. Stop trying to find excuses to why you can't come to know me, let me dwell within your heart and show you the good I have in store for you, my son, my daughter." This is what I feel God is trying to get through our heads. We can't compare him to some normal person. We shouldn't compare him even to the most Christiany Christian we have ever known. He's so much more than that, and He will be so much for you if you let Him. He will be your Father, friend, counselor, strength, helper, stronghold, and numerous other things. He will finally satisfy the heart you've been dealing with ever since you were born.

I'm going to stop here for now. There's a lot to think about just from what I've already shared with you, so I'll leave you with this last thought before I go-

What does God look like? Not physically... but the character of God? We all too quickly compare God to the people we come across, the "Christians" we see and the "love" we see on movie screens. Our view of love has been distorted by the people we are surrounded by, when God's love is not a human kind of love. It's not conditional, like ours is. His love for us is eternal and unconditional, do you understand what that means? He loves us with a perfect love. Something none of us can even fully grasp, because of the deepness of it. He loved you before you were even a thought in our world. He has planned great things for you before you were even a you. He cares about you more than anyone else around you does, and it's time for you to come to know His love for you. It makes no sense to walk away from what's best for you. It's like you are letting yourself die from a curable disease that can be cured in just a moment if you let the doctor administer the cure to you. Why not let Him love you? Why not let him heal you?

I'll leave it at that for now, thank you guys for reading my blog:) I know I write books haha It's hard for me to have a short thought. Enjoy the rest of your Saturday. <3 May the Lord bless you and keep you.

Your sister in Christ,

Mallory Faith Campbell